Is giving my virginity after marriage the best gift that I can ever give? Q

is giving my virginity a giftThis is a loaded question. It was asked online recently and I was impressed by the open-minded nature of the replies. I would assume the young lady asking the question has been raised to be virtuous and to save herself for marriage and has perhaps grown up with the phrase ‘saving yourself is the best gift a wife can give her new husband’ etc. etc.

If you have saved yourself until your marriage night, your husband will certainly appreciate being able to consummate the relationship. He will also respect and appreciate your personal sacrifice in waiting until marriage. He will feel valued and he will know you value yourself which is hugely important. He may also of course be a virgin himself.

Does sex before marriage mean you can’t give him any greater gift after marriage?

I’d have thought kids were a pretty great gift. Being a faithful, honest companion is a great gift. There are many ways to ‘gift’ your new husband and one cannot possibly create a hierarchy regarding what is the best gift. So my answer as to whether giving your virginity is the best gift ever, would have to be no … not necessarily so.

My personal view is that I believe sex before marriage is a good idea as is living with someone. I believe before you marry someone you should do what you can to ensure compatibility. If you are not compatible sexually you are in for a pretty unfulfilled married life. If you drive each other crazy when you live together, the same result. I am a ‘try before you buy’ advocate.

The following point was also brought to my attention and this is that women and men may marry too soon or too young if they wait for marriage before having sex. I feel this is a very important consideration and welcome your thoughts.

15 thoughts on “Is giving my virginity after marriage the best gift that I can ever give? Q

  1. Since I am on my second marriage, after a child, I cannot relate to having been a virgin on my wedding night. BUT I think the gift of your virginity is in and of itself an event which you are both sharing. And this would be, in my opinion, a gift that keeps on giving – to you both. Your marriage will have an amount of trust and respect that many others lack.

    And as Leah mentioned, what if he is a virgin also? Do you accept his virginity as your ultimate “gift” from him? Are you willing to do away with all material aspects of the wedding and reception because of his ultimate gift to you?

    I do not feel you can compare an emotional, non-tangible, action or event as a materialistic “gift.” That would lessen the power of the love and first evening you have together. You are trying to place a value on something intangible.

    Enjoy your first evening together. Your love for each other, you to your husband, and your husband to you are life-long gifts to enjoy and not attempt to “out do” on a material level.

  2. Valuing the act of taking a girls virginity has always seemed creepy to me. The idea that by being the first person to slide a penis into a woman somehow gives a man ownership rights is too medieval and misogynist to align with the image of a caring husband/boyfriend. The type of person who you would want to have this special but ultimately intangible gift.

    The main problem I see in your logic is that you believe being a virgin will make your wedding night more special. The fact is that virgins dont know what to do in bed. For their partner nor themselves. From personal experience (having been a virgin and having sex with girls who had little experience at the time) I came to appreciate partners who at least knew what they liked and wanted from our time together.

    1. Thank you Griffin for contributing here. I think losing ones ‘virginity’ will always remain one of those things you either want to do as quickly as possible to ‘get that scary thing over with’ or hold onto for as along as possible because you believe it to be a special, memorable moment worth waiting for. The reality is of course, the first time is rarely ‘magical’.

  3. My parents have always been devout Christians and used to be on about “fornication” and how wrong it was ALL THE TIME. I disagreed. I always felt that my virginity belonged to me and no one else. It wasn’t a gift for someone else as no one else could ever really “own” it as such. I thought of my virginity as something for me to let go of once I was ready when I found someone I trusted enough who I would let get that close to me, and I wasn’t ready until I was 18 – 2-3 years later than most of my other friends. I actually find the whole “your virginity is a gift for your partner” thing a little bit offensive because it suggests that you are not as valuable as you are, as what you would have been with your virginity. I believe this to be so very, very wrong. Everyone is special in their own way, and you have those qualities whether you have fornicated or not. My opinions differ from most, you can thank my parents who promoted deep, rebellious thinking lol!

    1. I agree Ally and I’m sorry this caused an area of conflict for you. I had no such ‘gift’ issues but I also lost it late at age 19 when I felt the time was right for me. There was a lot of peer pressure though at a younger age and as I got older, it ceased as none of my friends believed I was still a virgin! What a weird world we live in … people really need to mind their own beeswax when it comes to such things.

  4. I think that one’s virginity is one’s own, and that choosing to lose it, and how, is one’s own gift to oneself. Of course, having said that, I was one who wanted to lose it as quickly as possible, as a sort of validation of desirability, having felt so ugly. I would do it differently now. Of course, I could say that about a number of things, and that was a lifetime ago!!

    1. Hi Tina, I think many of us would do things differently and … many of us can agree the Earth did not move and there were no fireworks going off πŸ™‚

  5. Addendum: I would also like to mention that a woman’s virginity is worth no more than a man’s, except in societies that value women as objects and possessions. So I view it through the filter of it being her own, and not a prize or something to be watched over by anyone but herself.

    1. @Ally , it is important we women are honest about our own experiences and thoughts re this so young girls get a real world view not a Mary Poppin’s view πŸ™‚

  6. Given that there are other ways to please and pleasure one another such as oral sex, why not stay a virgin if you have done it for this long until the wedding night.

    1. @word That’s a valid point (and I don’t have a good answer for it! :)) but I shall say – does this then make the ultimate goal marriage and given many choose these days to not get married yet share a life together, that opens up a whole new debate re the ‘gift’ that is or is not ..marriage. The point was made on another forum that it is this restraint that leads to early marriage.

  7. That sounds like a romantic thought, but in a sense one could also think of it as devaluing your self worth – reducing you to a sexual prize to be obtained, rather then a complete person.

    You are also taking on a lot of risk, not only for you, but for your partner and both of your families. If you find out you are sexually incompatible with your partner only on the wedding night and you are unable to overcome your difficulties, then you both will have to take on the pain of separation. Marriage is not a trivial act, and for many its really a union of two families. Do you really want to drag them into this potential suffering? It seems irresponsible to make a lifetime commitment without truly knowing someone. If you’re lucky it might just work out, but it’s too serious an act to gamble on in my opinion.

    The true treasures you hold for your potential partner are a lifetime of love, understanding, laughter, companionship, care, and adventure. Sex is part of the equation for some, but virginity has very little to do with anything.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

* Checkbox GDPR is required


I agree