This question was recently posed online by a young lady in a long-distance relationship. Her boyfriend was generous with gifts which included payment for flights for her to travel to see him. The girlfriend is wondering if her boyfriend should also (or instead of) be paying her bills which she feels would be more helpful than the gifts.
My answer was pretty short:
“He doesn’t want you ‘using’ him or to feel that he may be being used. He gives gifts as and when he feels he wants to gift you. Giving you money to pay bills is unromantic, likely to be unspontaneous and swiftly becomes his responsibility (not yours) which he may find hard to stop once started. It’s not what he wants. He hasn’t made that type of commitment to you”.
Given other responses on this query, I didn’t feel I had anything more to add. It does however raise yet more interesting questions. For example I get the vibe that the girlfriend is doubting her boyfriends love and commitment due to his lack of willingness to pay her bills.
Is this a valid fear – If he loved her would he pay her bills?
The girlfriends concerns are devaluing the gifts she does receive. She is growing to resent them because they’re not what she wants. The boyfriend is reluctant to do what she wants.
Weighing it all up I think that neither party is that much in love with the other. What do you think?