Losing friends while planning a wedding – never!!

falling out with bridesmaids“What on earth could cause friends to fall out when planning something so special? This surely only happens in exceptional circumstances”.

Sadly that is not the case as a specific study carried out into the reasons why brides fall out with bridesmaids reveals:

  • 32 per cent of recently married women no longer considered themselves friends with at least one of the women they chose as a bridesmaid
  • Many had petty disputes over dresses and hen do arrangements
  • Such rows were quickly resolved
  • Others said resentment around big day took friendship to breaking point

Top causes of rows

  1. Disagreements about bridesmaid dress style/colour – 61%
  2. Disagreements about bridesmaid hair styles – 55%
  3. Disagreements about hen do arrangements – 42%
  4. Arguments over ‘upstaging’ the bride – 33%
  5. One or more of my bridesmaids not liking one another – 29%

Top reasons for falling out for good

  1. Jealousy about my big day – 38%
  2. Insecurities with regards to appearance – 26%
  3. Financial disagreements (relating to costs associated with the wedding that bridesmaids had to pay) – 11%
  4. Drunken behaviour – 7%
  5. Inappropriate behaviour (such as flirting with groom, best man etc) – 3%

Real Story

I have attended three weddings in the last few years and two out of three of those brides lost their best friend (maid of honor) as a result of the wedding planning process! Neither of the women were ‘friends’ when the big day arrived with one woman not being in attendance at all. The reasons were an accumulation of stressors but it was mainly down to the bridesmaids trying to make the wedding about them. This included changes to outfits, menu selections, accommodations for their children, special arrangements, costs and so on.

I am also aware from various wedding groups, that a common stressor is brides falling out with friends over the costs of attending their hen do, bachelorette party. The worries over costs has led to bridesmaids changing plans, cancelling last-minute, failing to show and so on. The bride is resentful as she feels the friend hasn’t ‘saved’ even with ‘notice’ enough money for this event, and the friend feels that other things in her life deserve priority when it comes to finances, especially when money is tight. Lack of good communication in these situations is key to ill feelings arising.

If you are a bride or a bridesmaid who has fallen out with a good friend over their wedding plans, drop us a line and tell us about in comments. Let’s see if we can’t resolve these issues.

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4 thoughts on “Why brides fallout with their bridesmaids – will this be you?”

  1. my bridesmaids ditched me the night of my bachelorette. I wasn’t enjoying the bar we had went to and instead of suggesting we go somewhere else they all left me except my MOH. So I left the bar where one of my bridesmaids came out and yelled at me that i was unappreciative. They stayed out til 4am while i sat at the cottage we rented with my MOH and balled my eyes out. I tried to get over their drunken actions and kept them in the wedding despite my fiance asking me to drop them. Fast forward to today, one of my bridesmaids (and friend of 15 yrs) has asked me to step down from being a bridesmaid in her wedding as she feels i will be vengeful during her wedding events. Needless to say i was insulted (especially after i went out of my way to help her with wedding stuff and I attended all the shows & shops) so now we are no longer friends 🙁

    1. This is so awful 🙁 I can understand why you’re upset. I suspect your friend who’s dropped you knows she behaved badly at your event which is why she’s worried about a revenge attack. No need for revenge if she hadn’t done anything wrong right? It’s a shame she can’t just apologise and you all move on.

  2. my bridesmaids ditched me the night of my bachelorette. I wasn’t enjoying the bar we had went to and instead of suggesting we go somewhere else they all left me except my MOH. So I left the bar where one of my bridesmaids came out and yelled at me that i was unappreciative. They stayed out til 4am while i sat at the cottage we rented with my MOH and balled my eyes out. I tried to get over their drunken actions and kept them in the wedding despite my fiance asking me to drop them. Fast forward to today, one of my bridesmaids (and friend of 15 yrs) has asked me to step down from being a bridesmaid in her wedding as she feels i will be vengeful during her wedding events. Needless to say i was insulted (especially after i went out of my way to help her with wedding stuff and I attended all the shows & shops) so now we are no longer friends 🙁

    1. This is so awful 🙁 I can understand why you’re upset. I suspect your friend who’s dropped you knows she behaved badly at your event which is why she’s worried about a revenge attack. No need for revenge if she hadn’t done anything wrong right? It’s a shame she can’t just apologise and you all move on.

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